Hello Everyone,
My guest in this episode is Dr. Darby Saxbe, clinical psychologist and professor at USC, whose new book Dad Brain is out now. Darby runs a lab studying the neurobiology of social relationships — and she’s been doing some of the most interesting work out there on what actually happens to men’s brains and bodies when they become fathers.
We covered a lot of ground in this conversation: why testosterone drops when men have kids (and why that’s a feature, not a bug), what two very different small-scale societies reveal about the “right” way to be a dad, and why the modern expectation that one man should be the primary breadwinner, a super hands-on parent, your best friend and a spicy romantic partner all at once is kind of a recipe for marital disaster.
We also got into the manosphere’s testosterone obsession, why we’re underpaying teachers and what that has to do with masculinity, and what it would actually take to build a society that values care.
Darby is a Substack friend of mine — our friendship started when she wrote a gracious rebuttal to my most controversial piece ever on feminism — so this one felt particularly fun. I think you’ll enjoy it.
Best,
Elena
