What About Dads?

The role of fathers in our evolutionary past

First of all, let me just start out by saying that no one has a freaking CLUE what the role of fathers was in our evolutionary past. There is no fossilized evidence to prove that dads shared the mental load equally with their wives, no stone with primitive runes explaining how our Paleolithic ancestors implemented the Fair Play system, no ancient genetic marker proving once and for all that men’s true nature is nurturing and gentle (and they would all be great dads and never miss a “well-child visit” if modern culture and the patriarchy would just get out of the way). Neither is there any evidence to suggest that they were violent, brutish hunters whose contribution to parenting stopped as soon as they ejaculated. We just don’t know how involved the average Paleolithic father was. And perhaps it doesn’t matter.

Except that it does. Otherwise people would not be constantly asking me this question.

The actual question they ask me is: what is/was the role of fathers in hunter-gatherer societies? But the question I believe they are really asking is: is there any hope for equal partnership in the modern context, or are we biologically destined to be stuck in traditional gendered parenting roles forever? They want to know how much is nature and how much is nurture. Is our culture fucked, or are men just wired differently? Were Dads more involved before the rise of the patriarchy, or have they always been slackers on the domestic front? For that matter, what is “fair” and “right” when it comes to parenting anyway?

We cannot answer these questions by looking at the fossil record, but using contemporary hunter-gatherers as stand-ins for our shared evolutionary past when answering questions of this nature is a risky business. That’s because 1. Hunter-gatherers have been evolving right alongside us for just as long, and whatever gendered patterns of parenting we see in those societies are just as likely to be cultural as genetic and 2. There is enormous variability between societies when it comes to the role of fathers.

Aka fathers in camp with their children

That said, I do believe that where there are common social patterns across hunter-gatherer societies, such patterns are probably closer to what they would have been in our evolutionary past than those we can observe in the modern, Western context. I also believe that, humans being animals, if you put someone into a certain social and physical environment, that someone will tend to behave in a certain way, and across cultures that encounter similar environmental incentives and constraints, patterns will tend to emerge.

So, when you put a man into the environmental and social context of hunting and gathering, and he fathers offspring, how does he tend to behave? And what does this mean for mothers today?

Hunter-gatherer dads

The thing about hunter-gatherers is that they don’t live in single-family homes, and so in many ways, the husband-wife relationships doesn’t matter nearly as much as it does in the modern context. Truly, when you think about it, the post-industrial husband-wife relationship is a totally crazy proposition:

Oh, you think you like this guy? He took you on a couple of dates and actually paid for dinner? He listened to you talk about the latest book you read and pretended to be interested? How about settling down with him for the rest of your life, having a couple of kids, and then never seeing anyone else except him (and your children, when they are small) on most days until you die? Did 22-year-old you even consider whether he’d make a good father or whether he’s the kind of guy to spontaneously do the dishes? I bet you didn’t. I bet you just thought he was hot and the sex was good. Solid plan, sweetheart.

This isn’t personal.