Thanks so much Elena for writing this piece. It brought much needed comfort and encouragement. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in thinking that motherhood is not supposed to feel so lonely and hard, and that there's evidence that having a community of help is normal and the way things should be. I find that the expectation now is to do everything by ourselves, and that you're a successful mother only if you do so. As a stay home mum, I feel like I receive disdain from others (mostly non parents) when they know I have help ("you're unemployed, a full time stay home mom and you still have help everyday??") and your article reminded me that I should feel no shame for gladly leaning on the help I have to rest and recharge.
Loved this chapter! I’ve been craving your thoughts on how we could somehow replicate this today. I feel like I could read a whole book on that alone! Thanks Elena ☺️
Loved the writing. It was funny, good, clear, and concise. Reminded me a bit of Emily Oster whom I quite enjoy reading. I have mixed feelings about the Donald Trump joke. I think it was funny, but even if you think conservative people wouldn't be interested in your work, I do not think you should limit yourself. Conservatives are not a monolith. Liberals for that matter are not a monolith and may have reasons for voting for him too--for one thing, he's the only president in a long time who has not been a complete warmonger. Personally, war is one of my top issues, and more so since I became a mother (all the babies who die, all the children, all the parents --and for what?? For war contractors and politicians to line their pockets??? (can you tell who I voted for yet lol?) So I guess I was a little off-put by the joke and maybe there is a way to tell a similar joke with more universal appeal.
Thanks for the input Kathy! I really appreciate it. Thanks for saying what you really think about the political joke too. I hesitated. Then I thought, there is no way anyone buying this book is right wing. But maybe I am wrong. I am advocating for some seriously left wing politics here, but I agree that I wouldn’t want to put anyone off based on their voting history. Consider it redacted :)
I also feel like we have no good options in this election. When both candidates spend more time talking about golf than the rising cost of childcare you know there’s a problem. I hear you on the war mongering too.
I’m with Kathy here-I’m a conservative and I’ve found your articles extremely informative! I may not agree with all of your solutions but I find your research very enlightening and it gets me thinking. I’m from a big family that is very supportive and helpful with kids, but I’m a military spouse so we live far from them, and while my parents were there for the birth of my baby, they had to leave the next day. This was followed by a tragic death in the family which meant other members needed support more than me…and I was alone. I think more than an instruction manual, what I needed was for someone to pick up my baby, bounce him, and tell me that everything was fine and I was doing a good job. I was always a very stable person but recently started counseling for the first time just because of the toll this took on my emotional equilibrium. So hearing about this research is so reassuring and insightful! And I definitely think your points on child friendly spaces and au pair-like services are exactly right.
…So, maybe the joke can just be that “no one is going to spout off their political opinions at you” because nobody wants that, regardless of political affiliation haha!
Thanks for sharing Colleen! That sounds really hard. I am actually very happy to hear that this research is landing with people across the political spectrum. Will adjust jokes accordingly ;)
Thanks so much Elena for writing this piece. It brought much needed comfort and encouragement. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in thinking that motherhood is not supposed to feel so lonely and hard, and that there's evidence that having a community of help is normal and the way things should be. I find that the expectation now is to do everything by ourselves, and that you're a successful mother only if you do so. As a stay home mum, I feel like I receive disdain from others (mostly non parents) when they know I have help ("you're unemployed, a full time stay home mom and you still have help everyday??") and your article reminded me that I should feel no shame for gladly leaning on the help I have to rest and recharge.
Oh yeah SAHMs definitely deserve help, and often paid help is the only option if family is far. Hardest job in the world.
Loved this chapter! I’ve been craving your thoughts on how we could somehow replicate this today. I feel like I could read a whole book on that alone! Thanks Elena ☺️
Thanks Aja! More of that to come :)
Loved the writing. It was funny, good, clear, and concise. Reminded me a bit of Emily Oster whom I quite enjoy reading. I have mixed feelings about the Donald Trump joke. I think it was funny, but even if you think conservative people wouldn't be interested in your work, I do not think you should limit yourself. Conservatives are not a monolith. Liberals for that matter are not a monolith and may have reasons for voting for him too--for one thing, he's the only president in a long time who has not been a complete warmonger. Personally, war is one of my top issues, and more so since I became a mother (all the babies who die, all the children, all the parents --and for what?? For war contractors and politicians to line their pockets??? (can you tell who I voted for yet lol?) So I guess I was a little off-put by the joke and maybe there is a way to tell a similar joke with more universal appeal.
Thanks for the input Kathy! I really appreciate it. Thanks for saying what you really think about the political joke too. I hesitated. Then I thought, there is no way anyone buying this book is right wing. But maybe I am wrong. I am advocating for some seriously left wing politics here, but I agree that I wouldn’t want to put anyone off based on their voting history. Consider it redacted :)
I also feel like we have no good options in this election. When both candidates spend more time talking about golf than the rising cost of childcare you know there’s a problem. I hear you on the war mongering too.
I’m with Kathy here-I’m a conservative and I’ve found your articles extremely informative! I may not agree with all of your solutions but I find your research very enlightening and it gets me thinking. I’m from a big family that is very supportive and helpful with kids, but I’m a military spouse so we live far from them, and while my parents were there for the birth of my baby, they had to leave the next day. This was followed by a tragic death in the family which meant other members needed support more than me…and I was alone. I think more than an instruction manual, what I needed was for someone to pick up my baby, bounce him, and tell me that everything was fine and I was doing a good job. I was always a very stable person but recently started counseling for the first time just because of the toll this took on my emotional equilibrium. So hearing about this research is so reassuring and insightful! And I definitely think your points on child friendly spaces and au pair-like services are exactly right.
…So, maybe the joke can just be that “no one is going to spout off their political opinions at you” because nobody wants that, regardless of political affiliation haha!
Thanks for sharing Colleen! That sounds really hard. I am actually very happy to hear that this research is landing with people across the political spectrum. Will adjust jokes accordingly ;)