I’m the eldest of four total, 3 younger brothers. I’m proud to say I was their second Mom. And I certainly wouldn’t be the kind of Mom I am today if it wasn’t for them.
Kids need responsibilities and jobs in the family, no matter what their birth order is. It’s part of life. Otherwise we are just raising kids in prolonged childhood/adolescence.
Absolutely! I think it’s silly how everyone is talking about parentification as a risk when in fact the data shows it’s quite good for kids (within limits)
I'm the eldest of nine and we were all homeschooled until I was nearly in high school. Literally the only skill I really had to learn once I had my own babies was nursing.
It was a mixed bag. As an adult I'm very thankful for the skills I learned, and at the time I did like the feeling of being helpful.
I think I ended up attaching too much of my self worth to that feeling though, and there were a couple seasons when I was basically the second parent (my dad was military and was gone for long stretches of time) that weren't healthy. I have three of my own now (not sure if we'll be able to have more or not) and I want my kids to have responsibilities and learn at least some of those skills, but I'm trying to temper it as well so they end up with the skills, but not the emotional baggage.
I think this is so very true. Mothering felt pretty instinctive to me, but I did have a lot natural opportunities to learn as a young person. My youngest sibling was born when I was 7. My mom breasfed all of us. I also had the opportunity to see other moms with babies throughout my teen years and I did quite a bit of babysitting. Growing up in a community with a lot of mothers and babbies was a huge benefit to me as I became a mother myself.
I *also* think there is instinct involved as well as it being a learned skill, and that many of us have been divorced from our intuitions/instincts in a culture that pedestals logic/rational thinking/“science” et cetera
Absolutely. One thing I think has also played into the reality of women feeling like they don’t know how to mother is the devaluing of the work of motherhood by feminism. I came into adulthood feeling like the work of babies and home was beneath me, that I was more of an intellectual, and what follows logically there is that the work would be easy/simple. Expecting it to be easy was a big reason why it wasn’t.
My first baby was the first time I ever really held a baby (I had baby cousins before. I run for the hills when being asked to hold one lol. Not a big fan of babies). And she was a particularly tough one. Drove me practically insane. By my second and third children I’m just so zen. I used to be terrified of being left alone with a baby. Now I can solo a baby all day, everyday, indefinitely. If my third baby is all I had to deal with, it’d be a vacation 🤣 ifs so cute and educational watching my older daughters fight over who gets to help me with the baby. It occurred to me that I missed out on all of this growing up, but also partly because I was never the maternal sort when I was a kid.
Fascinating read. I totally helped looked after my younger cousins (as we were the eldest grandchildren we each claimed a cousin as “our”), I did learn lots by watching too. And I have to say my maternal instincts were fine tuned then. It’s how I knew I’d love to be a mum. And I do love being a mum! Weirdly enough never really played mums with dolls.
However this is due to having a large family (dad is 1/8) and having grandparents live in the same house!
I was an unpaid mothers-helper beginning around 12 years old through high school and later a summer nanny. In middle school I cared for infants, even as young as a couple months. Playing, diapering, bouncing, making bottles, and even soothing those babes to sleep shaped my caregiving skills in ways I wouldn’t have had at home as an only child. Now as I have had my own kids I’m at a complete loss as to where all the tween/teen girls might be to return the favor.
I’m the eldest of four total, 3 younger brothers. I’m proud to say I was their second Mom. And I certainly wouldn’t be the kind of Mom I am today if it wasn’t for them.
Kids need responsibilities and jobs in the family, no matter what their birth order is. It’s part of life. Otherwise we are just raising kids in prolonged childhood/adolescence.
Absolutely! I think it’s silly how everyone is talking about parentification as a risk when in fact the data shows it’s quite good for kids (within limits)
I'm the eldest of nine and we were all homeschooled until I was nearly in high school. Literally the only skill I really had to learn once I had my own babies was nursing.
Wow. Did you enjoy playing that role in your family?
It was a mixed bag. As an adult I'm very thankful for the skills I learned, and at the time I did like the feeling of being helpful.
I think I ended up attaching too much of my self worth to that feeling though, and there were a couple seasons when I was basically the second parent (my dad was military and was gone for long stretches of time) that weren't healthy. I have three of my own now (not sure if we'll be able to have more or not) and I want my kids to have responsibilities and learn at least some of those skills, but I'm trying to temper it as well so they end up with the skills, but not the emotional baggage.
I think this is so very true. Mothering felt pretty instinctive to me, but I did have a lot natural opportunities to learn as a young person. My youngest sibling was born when I was 7. My mom breasfed all of us. I also had the opportunity to see other moms with babies throughout my teen years and I did quite a bit of babysitting. Growing up in a community with a lot of mothers and babbies was a huge benefit to me as I became a mother myself.
Thanks for sharing!
I *also* think there is instinct involved as well as it being a learned skill, and that many of us have been divorced from our intuitions/instincts in a culture that pedestals logic/rational thinking/“science” et cetera
Absolutely. One thing I think has also played into the reality of women feeling like they don’t know how to mother is the devaluing of the work of motherhood by feminism. I came into adulthood feeling like the work of babies and home was beneath me, that I was more of an intellectual, and what follows logically there is that the work would be easy/simple. Expecting it to be easy was a big reason why it wasn’t.
My first baby was the first time I ever really held a baby (I had baby cousins before. I run for the hills when being asked to hold one lol. Not a big fan of babies). And she was a particularly tough one. Drove me practically insane. By my second and third children I’m just so zen. I used to be terrified of being left alone with a baby. Now I can solo a baby all day, everyday, indefinitely. If my third baby is all I had to deal with, it’d be a vacation 🤣 ifs so cute and educational watching my older daughters fight over who gets to help me with the baby. It occurred to me that I missed out on all of this growing up, but also partly because I was never the maternal sort when I was a kid.
Fascinating read. I totally helped looked after my younger cousins (as we were the eldest grandchildren we each claimed a cousin as “our”), I did learn lots by watching too. And I have to say my maternal instincts were fine tuned then. It’s how I knew I’d love to be a mum. And I do love being a mum! Weirdly enough never really played mums with dolls.
However this is due to having a large family (dad is 1/8) and having grandparents live in the same house!
I was an unpaid mothers-helper beginning around 12 years old through high school and later a summer nanny. In middle school I cared for infants, even as young as a couple months. Playing, diapering, bouncing, making bottles, and even soothing those babes to sleep shaped my caregiving skills in ways I wouldn’t have had at home as an only child. Now as I have had my own kids I’m at a complete loss as to where all the tween/teen girls might be to return the favor.
they are busy building their college resumes! Haha